Friday, August 18, 2017

HALFWAY THERE.....aka 20 weeks

How far along? 20 weeks, HALFWAY THERE
How big is the snowman?  a can of soda or a banana depending on who you ask apparently!
Total weight gain/loss? Still gaining, I went up another pound or two this week so I'm about 5lbs down since we transferred in April
Maternity clothes? I think I'm going to have to switch over soon.  I'm rocking the belly band for my work pants, mainly because I think this is the last deployment for work I'll have and I don't want to invest in maternity work pants, but I'm not gonna lie the maternity pants I have are WAY more comfortable!
Sleep?  I'm still working CRT hours and pretty done in by the end of the day, I haven't had any insomnia yet which I'm really grateful for!
Best moment this week?  finally saying something on social media about the snowman
Symptoms? my main symptom is still the ever present "bathroom issues".  I'm fine with food now, no hangover feelings after eating at all now.  I haven't had any other aches or pains yet thankfully!
Food cravings? no cravings yet. 
Food aversions? I don't really want to eat veggies, but I think I'm gonna have to be a real live grown up and do it anyway....
Gender? team blue!
Labor signs? dear lord I hope not
Belly button in or out? in
What I miss? its still raw fish and booze.  I don't really see this changing.  
What I'm looking forward to?  Just seeing how much bigger this belly is gonna get.....
Milestones?  We got it confirmed by ultrasound that he is indeed a  boy
Bump? Still showing up!  Since last week I can really only wear my work pants buttoned way down or with the belly band, theres really no trying to button them over the bump at this point......

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Going Public

I've written about our issues with infertility, the IVF process and my pregnancy so far on here, mostly because I never told anyone I started writing on here again and I knew it was unlikely that anyone would stumble on it.  I purposely have not posted anything about our IVF timeline, or subsequent pregnancy on any (other) social media sites.  The reasons are....complex. 

At first it was obviously because if the IVF hadn't worked it's not something you want to discuss with your 665 Facebook friends and 192 Instagram followers, half of whom you haven't seen in person or talked to in lets call it 10 years. Then once we knew it had worked, it was so early and anything can happen, so we kept it quiet for the same reasons.  Once we were a few months in and had started to tell our family and close friends (the ones that if something had gone wrong we would have needed to get through the trauma) I realized I still had no desire to do a cutesy Facebook announcement and started to think about why. 

I realized it was because for the last 3 years I've seen countless pregnancy announcements and as time went on and we weren't getting any closer to having our own tiny human they got harder and harder to see.  At one point seeing one resulted in me downing glasses (ok fine, bottles) of wine and ugly crying.  It wasn't because I wasn't happy for whatever family was getting their BFP (big fat positive, like on a pregnancy test),  but I was just so, so sad for me and Spence.  It made me feel broken, highlighted feelings that I wasn't good enough and made me question why this was happening to us.  It made me feel like God wasn't listening to me when I prayed, for answers or for guidance or at the very least for peace. It makes you start to draw comparisons, and not in a flattering way (like the judging other people and wondering why they are "good enough" to get to be parents and we aren't type thing, I'm not proud of it but it totally happened).  I realized that I didn't want to make anyone else going through infertility feel the way I've felt the last few years. 

At first it was easy to just not mention the fact I was growing a tiny human on social media, I'm not someone who posts every little thing on there anyway, and I write on here for updates and pictures so I am still documenting this awesome thing that's (finally) happening.  The first trimester I was basically a blob and slept 12+ hours a day and didn't do anything anyway.  Then after the 14 week mark I started to get more energy and see friends more, and we started to tell people as we saw them, or talked to them on the phone etc.  It hasn't been a secret that I'm pregnant, and it started to feel disingenuous to not post things on social media for some reason. 

So that brings me to this post. I wanted to say something on social media, but I wanted to give people some warning in case they are dealing with infertility.  Trying to be sensitive to other people, without dimming the excitement we're feeling at finally moving forward with our family.
Spencer and I are over the moon about our little man joining us in January.  It's been a long terrible journey to get to this point but the outcome promises to be worth every tear, sad glass of wine and question about why it wasn't our turn yet.  He is worth every test we had to go through, every shot I had to take (and trust me the needles in that picture are not all of them by a long shot- pun intended). 
 We can't wait to meet him!

Thursday, August 10, 2017

19 Weeks

How far along? 19 weeks
How big is the snowman?  this week it's an heirloom tomato....which seems like a very specific type of tomato. 
Total weight gain/loss? I started to gain this week!  I'm at 7 lbs down overall based on the scale the other day.
Maternity clothes? I have a shipment from Old Navy that is supposed to arrive today!  I'm VERY excited. 
Sleep?  The last week and a half I've been working CRT hours, meaning 7 days a week and 10+ hours a day.  This means that when I get home I'm DONE.  I've been in bed by 9 most nights and sleeping until usually 7am easily.
Best moment this week?  a friend from work had her baby shower and it was awesome to get together with work friends!  We all met when we were on the cat team together, everyone but me has moved on to other positions since then so it's great to see everyone!
Symptoms? I'm good with food again (hence the weight moving up I think). The lack of bathroom movement is something that's still hanging on though.  I've started having round ligament pain, that actually started last week but I didn't know what it was!
Food cravings? no cravings yet, but baby steps, I'm no longer totally grossed out by food. 
Food aversions? not so much, I did try to eat a cucumber the other day and that was GROSS.  Sad, because I really like cucumbers usually!
Gender? team blue!
Labor signs? dear lord I hope not
Belly button in or out? in
What I miss? its still raw fish and booze.  I don't really see this changing.   
What I'm looking forward to?  We go in for our anatomy scan in 1 week!
Milestones?  nothing this week so far
Bump? Still showing up!  I've been wearing my pre pregnancy work pants to go look at claims, I can tell a difference from when I started wearing them and now.  I have to have them pulled way down (which makes the butt look saggy and weird) or unbuttoned when I drive or am sitting in my car b/c the bump is not down with the waistband!  They still fit just fine when I'm standing.....although I'm not sure how much longer that is going to last, I've noticed its less comfortable than it was 10 days ago!

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

18 weeks....this feels like it's gone very fast.

How far along? 18 weeks
How big is the snowman?  a pear according to an app on my phone or a croissant (which sounds DELISH right now)
Total weight gain/loss? I weighed myself the other day and I am still holding steady at around 8 lbs down from when we transferred
Maternity clothes? I still only have the jean shorts I bought from target, but I think I'm about to invest in some more pants!
Sleep?  I can still sleep 10 hours at a stretch, but when I'm awake now I'm actually able to function which is awesome!
Best moment this week?  its kind of a good thing bad thing situation, KC got some really terrible storms and a lot of people had damage from drain back up (that's the bad) BUT it means I get to be "deployed" for work and make some extra money so its totally a good thing for me!
Symptoms? The food thing is still a semi issue, now I'm only feeling hungover after eating less than half the time-- much better than a few weeks ago! The bathroom issues have persisted....I'm thinking its going to be a constant issue until this kid makes his appearance.
Food cravings? I'm still not hungry overall, I am eating, but not very healthy. 
Food aversions? meh, none really but no cravings either 
Gender? team blue!
Labor signs? dear lord I hope not
Belly button in or out? in
What I miss? I miss raw fish....and booze, but mainly raw fish. 
What I'm looking forward to?  We go in for our anatomy scan in 2 weeks!
Milestones?  I think I might have felt him move last week, I'm not 100% sure, but it felt different and like a nudge from inside so I'm saying it was him moving around!
Bump? its starting to show up, I had brunch with some friends last week and one of their first comments was "you're showing" lol. The pictures from this week I feel like the bump shows up more than it has before.

Until I compared these photos I had no idea how much the bump had started to pop!

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Now thats a baby bump

So as I've been going along with this pregnancy I keep looking at the "bump" pictures I've been taking and most of the time I can tell there's a baby bump but I'm pretty sure no one else would think it is super obvious (totally normal at this point).  Despite being not skinny I've never carried my weight in my stomach, so the bump I see is OBVIOUSLY a baby bump in my mind, but really if you haven't been scrutinizing my body for the last 4 months then it's probably not obvious.

Then yesterday I looked down at my stomach and was like "whoa baby that's a baby bump"

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

14 weeks today!

How far along? 14 weeks
How big is the snowman?  a nectarine, getting bigger!
Total weight gain/loss? last I checked I was still down about 7 lbs overall from when we transferred, I'm sure it will all come back with a vengeance sooner than later!
Maternity clothes? Even though I'm down weight-wise overall the bump is starting to make an appearance so I actually did go buy some maternity shorts since I know I'll need them later this summer. 
Sleep?  I can still sleep 10 hours at a stretch, but when I'm awake now I'm actually able to function which is awesome!
Best moment this week?  We got to spend a great day down at the fireworks stand with friends and watch a fantastic show for the 4th of July
Symptoms? I'm not really able to eat before noon without feeling like I have a hangover for hours afterwards, baby likes refined carbs still BUT I was able to eat some green beans and raspberries yesterday which is the first time since about week 6 that anything kind of healthy has been palateable. The bathroom issues continue, I've found that using Natural Calm works better than Miralax which is nice.
Food cravings? I'm still not hungry overall, I am eating, but not very healthy. 
Food aversions? all food. 
Gender? team blue!
Labor signs? dear lord I hope not
Belly button in or out? in
What I miss? I want nigiri! 
What I'm looking forward to?  we go in for our anatomy ultrasound like 5 weeks, I'm excited for that!
Milestones?  I'm into the 2nd Trimester, I've been promised I'll start to like food again at some point this trimester and I'm pumped.
Bump? its starting to show up, here are some pictures from the last few weeks!

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

11 Weeks along

How far along? 11 weeks today
How big is the snowman?  size of a fig (although I can't actually picture how big a fig is, I know its bigger than an olive or grape bc that was last week....)
Total weight gain/loss? last I checked I was still down about 5 lbs overall from when we transferred
Maternity clothes? not even close
Sleep? ALL the sleep.  I can seriously sleep 10 hours at a stretch and still think a nap doesn't sound bad
Best moment this week?  eh, this week has been pretty average HOWEVER I have been able to do 2 weights workouts which felt great.
Symptoms? nausea, tiredness, and the bloat.  I'm not really able to eat before noon without feeling vomity and eating anything remotely healthy is really a no go, baby likes refined carbs and only refined carbs. Also (TMI warning) going to the bathroom is just not happening, so that's contributing to the bloat as well.
Food cravings? food overall doesn't sound appealing, at all.  BUT if I am going to eat its going to be a carb.
Food aversions? all food. 
Gender? team blue!
Labor signs? dear lord I hope not
Belly button in or out? in
What I miss? massages, I tried to get a foot massage (I read that as long as they avoid the acupressure points on the ankle and don't press too hard its ok), when I told them about Snowman they basically rubbed lotion on my legs for 30 minutes and it was very not what I was looking forward to.
What I'm looking forward to?
Milestones? Snowman starts producing testosterone this week
Bump? the bump is all bloat right now